I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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