The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
