Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
