I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who died my cat blue again?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
