i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
