he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
