the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
