can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My cat gives me a boner
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
