naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
