3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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