This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
