We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
