I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You ruined the universe
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
