the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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