Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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