i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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