she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
