Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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