Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
