Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
