it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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