Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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