i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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