____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
