We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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