As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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