just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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