I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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