you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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