Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I could make wine with my vomit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
