2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
