I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
