You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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