she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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