Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
