I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
