Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
