Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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