you guys were way drunker than both of me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
