And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
