I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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