What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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