i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
