So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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