So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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