The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
