Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
