Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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