Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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