What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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