my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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