She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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