He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
