so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
