My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
