Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
