2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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