Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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