I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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